“You’re Definitely Going to Get Caned!” and Other Misconceptions I’d Like to Clear Up

Monday, January 15, 2018

“You’re going where?  Portugal?” people would ask.  This was often accompanied by that nose wrinkle and slight falsetto indicating that they knew they were wrong, but where again?

“Singapore!” I’d reply with a visible frisson and a grin.  This conversation happened dozens of times in the months leading up to my departure, so picture this next part over a mug, in a classroom, a family dinner, wherever.

“Oh.  Oh!  Ohhhhhh, I’ve heard of that.  Wait, don’t they cane people there?  For like, littering or something?  You’d better be careful, I was reading about this one guy…”

Okay first, I’ll give some background, but then second, I’d like to take the above case point by point.  Finally, there are a couple of other misconceptions I’d like to clear up so we can move forward with some common foundational knowledge.  I’ll be writing quite a lot about Singapore in the next five months or so, so we should probably get some things straight. (Pretend there’s a smiley face emoji here so you know my tone.) I like this place, and I’ll not have it slandered!  Now,

THE BACKGROUND

In 2013, I was hating winter and needed a kick in the life-pants.  I googled “how to travel free as a teacher” and started applying to anything for which I seemed eligible.  That year, I got to Japan through a sister school relationship.  To my surprise and delight, it wasn’t just an incredible escape.  I learned a ton through observations of their schools and interaction with their teachers and students, and all of a sudden I was an inspired and more effective educator myself.

The next year, I went to the Philippines through Teachers for Global Classrooms.  The global education class attached to that trip was transformative to my teaching, and again, the people in the schools I saw sparked my imagination and focus on our collective students.  I was hooked.

In 2016 I got to visit schools in Bahrain, Qatar, and the United Arab Emirates.  With that trip, it was my fellow traveling colleagues who left a mark.  Put me in a room with someone with a passion for- and who works really hard at- anything, and I’ll leave that room wanting to be better at my own life.  With a little prod from my roommate Betsey, I left the Middle East and applied for a Fulbright.

Fast forward a year, and I’m in Singapore!  I’m studying their Character and Citizenship Education program through a Fulbright Distinguished Award in Teaching as part of a social and emotional learning focus that I’ll bring back to my district.  And yes, I realize that was a really long sentence.  And no, I will not get caned in the process.  Which brings us to

A POINT-BY-POINT ELUCIDATION FOR WHY THIS IS RIDICULOUS

First of all, women (and men over 50) don’t get caned as a punishment.  Point 1: I am a woman!

(It took everything in me not to add “hear me roar” there, which would be totally appropriate since Singapore is known as Lion City, but soooooooo lame.)

Point 2: I am generally a law-abiding citizen, and I am very, very thorough in my research pre-visit on laws I might need to know.  For example, I know that gum is frowned upon here (that could be quite literal if you’re in a bad mood or if your gum is gross) because it causes a sticky mess when discarded.  No prob- I’m not a gum chewer and I’m cool with the idea that public spaces stay safe and tidy.

I also know that some elevators, according to at least three sources (none of which I have been able to corroborate in-country) might be equipped with Urine Detection Devices and, if the stories are to be believed, the doors will shut if the UDDs are activated, trapping you inside until the authorities come.

I am thrilled by this story, but do not intend to test it empirically.  Because ew, and also… ew.  Let’s just go to

Point 3: I mean, it’s not like people are just bashing each other willy-nilly over here.  And it’s not even that different, when you think about it, from parts of the United States (where I’ve also never been caned).  Corporal punishment is quite legal in many states still- it’s just that there was one international incident that got a lot of attention in Singapore so people remember it, even if they don’t know the US laws as well.

Caning is a legal consequence for men ages 18-50, but the laws are really clear if you’re looking to avoid that sort of pain.  I mean, don’t deal drugs.  Don’t molest people.  Don’t commit violent crimes.

Do enjoy a clean and efficient culture, and a huge range of delicious cheap food.  Also, feel safe pretty much everywhere you go.  The biggest threat after dark is you.

And that brings us to the final section!  Other misconceptions I’d like to clear up.  Not too many now because I’ve only been here a week, but here are a couple of things I’ve learned.

A) High population density in an urban environment does not just mean people.  When I say I’m the threat after dark, I mean it- the two times I’ve been running before sunrise, I’ve either squashed or narrowly missed not one, not two, but a variety of small mammals and amphibians.  A shrew, I think, ran parallel to my brisk walk for close to a full block the other night.  Why aren’t they afraid of me?  Why won’t they scurry away?

B) Singapore is expensive in some ways, but certainly not prohibitively.  I was nervous about this before coming, but eating out is extremely reasonable (I can slip into a satisfying food coma for under three dollars) and tap water is perfectly good.  It seems like there’s a mall on every corner, but I’m not really a shopper so we’re good there, too.

In fact, we’re good in all areas so far!  I am, at least.  I’m loving it here- it’s warm, the people I’m meeting are smart and welcoming, and the work I’m doing is interesting- so it’s all systems go until June.

And the only cane I’ll encounter is this sugarcane I’m holding below.